ok, this is the day i blow up. i never really felt this way, but i dunno why and how i could felt like this. maybe i'm sick of everything i hide of. fuck ! FUCK FUCK ! i hate this stuff, i hate YOU, and hate all the shit that he did ! from all the things that he hide of, oh yeah? happy? SHIT ! am i too bad for you? yeayea whatever you say shit !
geez -.- this is the potensial break up things. am i have too? i dunno. it's too good too be crushed. i really feels stupid. something i can't get off of my head. let's think from the start : "do you know how i feels? really feels about you" YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT I FEEL INSIDE. YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY DOUBT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY FEAR
cause i'm so mad, i might tell this over. i keep going back over thing we both said and all the things that i missread. i said leave but all i really want is you ! and now i'm broke down crying wishin weren't this mess. after everything i must confess i need you. and i HATE THAT ! i don't even hearing your sound ! really this is fucking day ever !
astaga setelah beberapa waktu ak baru sadar kalo ak ini belom punya cita" yang pasti. dan itu bikin ak stress. mana mungkin megandalkan kata" : 'let it flow' itu sekarang jadi kata terkutuk buatku. iyalah ! let it flow jidat lo aja, yang bener deh ! ini masa depan bukan maen". ARGH menyebalkan.
oke, ak ud bikin list bakal jadi apa :
1. DOKTER sebenernya sih ini cita" dari SD tapi niat itu terlupakan. why? so many reasons ! first of all, gara" kk kelas sialan yang sudah meracuni pikiranku dan sampe sekarang ak GA BISA melupakannya. oke ini kejadiannya : ehem, ak masih polos (HAHA) ini jaman SD. kalo ga salah itu pas ak lagi semangat"nya pengen jadi dokter. trus dia bilang sama ak : "ih kok bisa sih kamu pengen?" "emang kenapa?" (jawabanku polos) "iya kan itu bedah" mayat!" dan ak TERDIAM, ak belom mikir sampe kesitu. abis itu naek ke jenjang SMP dan ak menemukan pelajaran biologi yang lebih mendalam, ternyata ak semakin takut. mikirin masa OSPEK kalo udah masuk Univ. mana ak orangnya takut lagi liat darah, haha, ak bisa pingsan cuman gara" liat orang luka dikit -.- dan akhirnya niatku jadi dokter hilang. belom lagi kuliahnya mesti lama bener, sanggupkah? sekarang aja ak jadi pengen berenti sekolah haha. ehm, ngga sih sebenernya. ak pengen sekolah tapi ga usah belajar haha harapan semu ! kesimpulannya sih ak jadi ngga niat nih bercita cita seorang dokter. karena ya itu tadi : ak takut darah bayanginnya serem, ak takut jalanin OSPEK, kuliahnya lama, belom lagi ak mesti mandiri hehe
2. NOTARIS denger" dari kakek sih kerjaan ini banyak bagusnya tapi ak sama sekali ngga tertarik sama jurusan hukum. itu bukan sesuatu yang ak suka. ak liat buku kk spupuku aja ud klenger. tebeeel bener ! astaga, bisa putus urat ku kalo itu dibaca trus dihapalin semua. mana ak orangnya males banget hehe :p jadi ini rencana cadangan
3. NOVELIS (?) ak suka nulis. i love writing. everything ! it could be a short story or poem. and i decide to do this everytime i have many times to relax. lewat nulis sesuatu ak bisa jadi ngga bm. ak bisa suka" numpahin perasaanku ya contohnya kayak sekarang. tapi ini kan ngga menjamin masa depanku ! huh :'( ak mikir dong ke depannya gimana. iya kalo laku, kalo kayak J.K. Rowling mah gpp hehe.
sampe sekarang itu aja yang baru terpikir. jadi apa coba? apa yang bisa menjamin masa depanku? yah, ini ngga begitu urgent sih soalnya kan ak cwe. kalo dapet suami tajir, ganteng, dan baik hati (haha ngayal) gpp malah bagus ! semoga dapet kalo ak gede. AMIN AMIN haha
a rotation if life. life is never flat. so do mine :D
sometimes in the rite moment, i feel so excited but then i feel guilty. but i believe in God, in Allah that Allah would protect me always :)
in this moment, i have many feelings that i want to share them. maybe, someone that i can comfort to talk with. the question is : who's that someone? hmmm :'(
for someone out there that i hurt, i'm sorry. i did not mean to, but you know that i am annoying (yes i confess it rite now!) really. i wana have a good relationship constant. and i don't lie. after everything we've been through i really don't want to leave you rite now. maybe i'm an egomania, yes i do ! i never felt like this before (it's a clise) :p
i have everything i need in my live rite now. i don't want to make any stupid mistakes, ever ! i'm done with lying myself with someone i care ! i will care, i will try hard to protect someone i care of ! i do. i promise
B to the O to the R to the E to the D. yeep lagi" kata bored, mo belajar? maleeees -.- aduh mana ak juga belom ulangan susulan metik lagi. nyebelin banget. let's make the list, ulangan apa aja yang bakal ak hadapin :
- metik (urggggh!) - geografi (pelajaran ini menjadi tidak menyenangkan sejak ada hitungannya) - fisika (astaga, ak belom bener" memahami bab ini!) - kimia (ckckck, pa diman ini nambahin beban pikiran aja!)
nyebeeeeeeliiin -.- ada lagi satu orang yang pengen kuinjek. uurgh males banget ak liat mukanya, pengen kucincang. huh, sok imut bener tuh orang. trus lagi" sebel sama TIIIT. nyebelin bener sih dy juga, bikin bm aja kerjaanya ! huh. BORED, ANNOYING, SUCKS.
ga ada apa ya sesuatu yang bisa buat ak seneng nih? huhhh jangan" ak bm ini faktor pms, tapi masa sih? grrrrh -.- sebel ah.
okeee lanjut. sekarang bahas lagu laen yang punya lirik bagus n ak suka lagi ! hehehe :)
1. One Less Lonely Girl - Justin Bieber - "saw so many pretty faces before i saw you, now all i see is you" oooo ngena bener nih lirik. i love this ! haha. so sweeeeet :) intinya kan semua cwe suka digombalin. finally the questin : 'why guys are expert on flirting' was answered. the answer is 'because chicks love to be the object of flirt' haha. selama flirting nya ga terlalu ekstrim n itu terkesan sweet menurutku sih sah aja. - "don't need these other pretty faces like i need you" lagi" so sweeeet hehe. yaaah even it's sounds so gross. but i really like this quite enough
2. He Could Be The One - Miley Cyrus - "he's got everything that a girls wantin" sometimes we couldn't see the bad side of someone if we have an affair with them. rite?
- "guitar cutie, he plays it groovy" haha, it has a specific story about why i do like this lyric. and i don't wanna write down about my feelings here. nobody should know, except me and God :)
- "i can't keep myself from doing someting stupid" yuuuup, it's true. kadang ak suka bertindak bodoh kalo (eheeem jadi nostalgia) lagi ketemu si jerk ** ato nggak si **** hahaha. kayaknya semua cwe kayak gini deh. i bet ! every girl have to be nervous when they get closed with their 'boys-magnet'.
- "think i really fallin for his smile" :) no need to mention about why i do love this lyric
- "he's got something special, something tellin me maybe he could be the one" wooooooow, pastinya ini lirik yang paling ak suka diantara yang laen. -.- why? because i really hope that he could be the one :D
- "everywhere i go, he always in my mind and i'm going crazy about him lately" :) :)
- "he's got a way of making me feel like everything i do is prefectly fine, and i'm so into him!" yep. i do feel that way. i could be honest for what i feel or what i do to him haha
g : hey, why do you like me? i''m not very pretty. i'm not that talented. and i'm not a really famous girl. you must be a fool for falling over me" b : i like you just the way you are. you might think that i'm a fool for falling over you, and then tell me what can i do to prove you that it's not so hard to do? cause you know that i'm on your side"
- old memories b : i'm sorry, i just can't. it's been a long time when we're fall in love together. i have another girl to fulfill my dream, and make my day brighter" g : it's okay. you may have chemistry with her, but you have history with me"
recently, i have found many lyrics that i liked, so i start to share about it :p
1. The Other Side Of The Door - Taylor Swift - "i said this time i had enough and you've called times but i'm not pickin up. cause i'm so mad i might tell you that is over" explanation : oke kalo ak yang ada dalam posisi orang itu, telpon beribu kali dari orang yang annoying pasti juga ga bakalan ak angkat. biar sampe nangis darah dy, apalagi kalo ak masih marah. emosiku masih turun-naik, weh mending diemin aja deh. daripada ak 'blowin up'. kadang malah orang yang ga salah apa" kusemprot juga =p
- "i said leave but baby all i want is you, to stand outside my windows throwing pebbles, screaming i'm in love with you" explanation : nah kalo ini sih ak setuju banget ! hahahaha. sebenernya sebel banget sampe bilang ga tahan (kalo marahan), tapi ujung"nya sayang juga kalo dilepasin tapi ga mau ngmong karena GENGSI. haha :D tapi ngga sampe lempar batu lah (throwing pebbles). serem betul tuh cwo kalo kayak gitu, freak, parno, psikopat. trus ntar kaca jendela kamarku pecah, belom lagi ortu ngomel haha. kalo ada cwo yang beginian nih bahaya, bukannya sweet. tapi ya itu tadi, pas lagi kesel pengen jauh tapi sebenernya dalam hati ga mau, tapi ga mau ngaku juga soalnya jaim haha.
- "me and my stupid pride sitting here alone, going through the photographs. starring at the phone. i keep going back over, things we both said." ehm, ini hal yang sering kulakukan if we're in fight. tapi ga sampe ngeliatin fotonya, haha itu mah JIBANG. palingan ak cuma ngeliatin hape aja. nunggu dia sms, kalo ngga ya udah. ak juga ngga mau ngalah (kalo ak ngrasa ga salah) haha.
- "baby you know everything, tell me why you couldn't see? that when i left i want you to chase after me" pastinya. no need to explain more clearly. every single girl would feel this way
- "i don't need you but i do, i do, i do" di mulut doang bilang ga butuh, aslinya butuh ! hehe :)
- "with your face and your beautiful eyes, and the conversation with the little white lies and the faded picture of beautiful night. and i'm broke down cryin, wishin we'rent this mess. after everything i must confess i need you" sebenernya ga ada yang isitimewa dari lirik ini, tapi ak suka aja denger nadanya di lagunya. trus bagus gitu deh artinya
2. How Deep Is Your Love - Bee Gees - "it's me you need to show how deep is your love" yaiyalah, setuju. kalo ngga ditunjukin kayak mana mau tau? hehe
- "i believe in you. you're my saviour when i'm fall" yes, i do believe. kok bisa jadi saviour? yap, soalnya kalo ak bete pasti numpahin kebetanku sama dy hehe maaf ya :*
- "and you may not think i care for you, but you down inside that i really do" ini lirik yang paling ak suka di lagu ini ! soalnya ini bisa dibilang, aku banget. why? yep, ak bukan tipe orang yang nunjukin ke orang kalo ak peduli sama orang itu. sebenernya sih ak peduli banget, tapi karena ak orangnya cuek jadi ya begitulah.
3. Please Forgive Me - Bryan Adams - "please forgive me i know not wanna do. please forgive me i can't stop loving you" explaination : ehm, this is real. i have made mistakes then i feel guilty. i don't wanna crush a relationship because of my false. so, this lyric is so touchy. i agreed with this statement :D
- "i remember everything. i remember you. i remember the night ya know i still do" explaination : yeah, sweet memories were hard to forgotten.
4. I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder - Goo Goo Dolls - "the strands in you eyes, the color them wonderful stop me then stealing my breath" explanation : i just like this lyric, even it's gross haha. hey, but this is a poem, so nothing's wrong with flirting and admire someone
- "i'll be your crying shoulder, i'll be the greatest fans of your life" explanation : yap, it's good to have someone who always listen of your sadness, and we all need a shoulder to cry on. but, about the greatest fans of your life, hmmm.. i dunno
*PS : actually i like all this song's lyric :D
5. Whatever It Takes - Lifehouse - "it kills me that i hurt you this way, the worst part is don't even know" ini betul banget ! ak kan biasanya ngga sadar ak sudah bikin salah dan akhirnya nyakitin orang. ak ngga peka soalnya !
- "now there's a million reasons for you to go, but if you can find a reason to stay" ada beribu alasan kenapa kamu harus pergi, tapi kalo kamu bisa nemuin satu aja alasan untuk tetap tinggal. whew -.- ngena nih ! keren banget, ak suka :)
- "i'll do whatever it takes to turn this around. i know that i've let you down. and if you give me a chance, believe it i can change. i'll keep us together, whatever it takes" intinya sih buat minta kesempatan kedua untuk BERUBAH. yes, ak suka ini haha.
- "don't hide the broken part that i need to see. like it or not it's the way it's gotta be" don't keep something hiding in you for a very long time, just spoke what you feel. that's better. i'd rather be honest..
- "you gotta love yourself if you can ever love me" wuih pedenya ya? haha, tapi ak suka nih. bener aja kok. kita kan selalu berusaha buat yang terbaik buat orang" di sekitar kita. dan pasti orang itu bahagia jadi dirinya kalo ada orang yang sayang sama dia.
- "remember the time i tell you the way that i felt?" nothing special but i love this part
aku bakal ngelanjutin ini lagi. sebenernya banyak banget lirik yang ak suka tapi berhubung ak ngantuk jadi sampe disini dulu :)
